This has been a strange week so far. Two significant things happened that really got me thinking.
The first thing happened on Sunday at church. I saw this beautiful young couple standing together with their adorable daughter who looked like she must be less than one year old. The sadness and envy hit me like a lightning bolt. No matter how hard I try, I am never prepared for when this feeling will hit. It is more than a longing for something that I don't yet have. It is mourning for something that will never be. Our path is different.
The second thing happened yesterday at work. I was at an orientation for new full-time employees and as we went around the room introducing ourselves one of the women added that she and her husband recently found out that they are expecting. This is the point when I usually tear up and want to run out of the room so I can have a good cry. Unexpectedly, the opposite happened. I found myself genuinely joyful for her and cheering her on. Afterall, we are expecting too.
This is the constant state of flux that I live in from day-to-day. It is so hard to explain, and even harder for others who have not been in our situation to understand. We don't get the excitement of watching my belly grow, going to ultrasounds, and feeling the baby kick. We get to update our FBI clearances and wait on pins and needles for good news from our caseworker. I think that I have really been stuck on the waiting aspect of this whole process. In reality, Troy and I are truly expecting. We may have the gestational period of an elephant, but each day brings us closer to our children.
Showing posts with label waiting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label waiting. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Still just waiting...
I think that knowing that we are closer to getting a referral makes waiting that much harder. Though we have no real timeline or deadline, it is the not knowing that's driving me crazy. It is nearly impossible to have a balanced life in the midst of waiting for something so big. I feel like I have allowed myself to get lost in my work more because it makes the days go by so fast. If there weren't a writer's strike going on, I would be camped out with my DVR much more often. Although I greatly appreciate all of the encouragement about how we should enjoy this time to ourselves, Troy and I have had nearly five years of sleeping in, eating out, enjoying the freedom of travelling whenever we choose, and date nights without worrying about finding a sitter. But with that five years also comes the comfort of routine and the constant longing for something more...We are ready for our world to be flipped upside down. We are ready (so to speak) for diapers and feedings and getting less sleep (in all fairness Baxter wakes us up at 3:30 AM every morning--when he is awake, everyone else should be too). We are ready for our house to be filled to the brim with kids and dogs. I look forward to having toys everywhere and little kids clothes to wash. I look forward to going to the park and cooking meals for five. I know that our becoming parents will in no way complete us or make us whole, but it will catapult us into the next phase of life that we have been preparing for since we took our vows. So, for all of the nay-sayers who think we are crazy to bring three children into our home all at once, please keep in mind that this is what we were created for.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Yeah, in the end it's all Life Changing
It's Troy here....for those of you who were worried that Andrea had me locked in the garage, that simply was not true (although your concern is appreciated). A nice run on the greenway helped me find something to write about. Also, Andrea is quite sick. I came back from Harris Teeter with enough cold medicine that I'm sure I'm now on some watchlist in North Carolina for starting a meth lab. Which depending how the fundraising goes is something we may look into (I'm of course kidding..... Really...just kidding...can't say that enough).
It's snowing in Charlotte as I write this. This is nice after the drought, as our brown yard is now white. Green is likely at least a year away. I just got back from running 11 miles, which in 37 degree and raining weather, gave me time to clear my head, while the rest of me was freezing. The thought that stayed in my head throughout the run as I thought about the adoption, was "are we ready for this"?
The phrase we continually hear is that "this will change your life." While my first reaction is to be flip (as comedian Louis CK said..."Of course my life is changing...now I have a BABY"), we of course recognize this as a life-changing event. Getting a dog changed our lives, getting a second dog changed our lives (the merit of this decision is still being debated), getting a Trader Joe's down the street from us changed our lives -and yes, this will be the biggest change of all. When the words "this will change your life" are spoken as a soft warning, I tend to appreciate and value it. It comes across from parents saying, enjoy your free time now, and truly providing constructive and thoughtful advice.
When those words come across with a touch of disbelief, they are frequently coupled with phrases like "do you know what you're getting yourself into?" & "are you sure you're ready for this?". I'm always caught slightly off guard by these questions. Do I say that we think that most parents are martyrs and we expect this to be pretty easy and wait for a reaction? We of course do and don't know what we are getting ourselves into. Are we doing our best to fundraise, work extra jobs, get our house as bebe ready as possible? Of course. Are we going to be surprised, challenged, caught off guard, amazed and a myriad of others things we don't know about? We expect and welcome this.
Being 100% ready for kids would mean buying cold medicine the day before they get sick; placing a pile of pillows down on the deck right before they fall and break their arm. All this to say, we truly trust in God's provision and believe that we will be as ready as we need to be. We probably weren't "ready" to be married, but the last almost 5 years have been amazing and I wouldn't change a thing (maybe the Seahawks/Packers game, but that's likely out of my power).
We are currently working on many phases of the process at all times, and it seems more and more real ever day. Reading others blogs, especially those traveling right now (like the Armstrong's wonderful blog), have become addicting - as we share the excitment of those traveling, and can't help put ourselves in the experiences that await us.
We look forward to being ready and being not ready. After years and years of waiting to bring home our bebes, we would certainly have it no other way.
Much Love,
Troy and Andi
It's snowing in Charlotte as I write this. This is nice after the drought, as our brown yard is now white. Green is likely at least a year away. I just got back from running 11 miles, which in 37 degree and raining weather, gave me time to clear my head, while the rest of me was freezing. The thought that stayed in my head throughout the run as I thought about the adoption, was "are we ready for this"?
The phrase we continually hear is that "this will change your life." While my first reaction is to be flip (as comedian Louis CK said..."Of course my life is changing...now I have a BABY"), we of course recognize this as a life-changing event. Getting a dog changed our lives, getting a second dog changed our lives (the merit of this decision is still being debated), getting a Trader Joe's down the street from us changed our lives -and yes, this will be the biggest change of all. When the words "this will change your life" are spoken as a soft warning, I tend to appreciate and value it. It comes across from parents saying, enjoy your free time now, and truly providing constructive and thoughtful advice.
When those words come across with a touch of disbelief, they are frequently coupled with phrases like "do you know what you're getting yourself into?" & "are you sure you're ready for this?". I'm always caught slightly off guard by these questions. Do I say that we think that most parents are martyrs and we expect this to be pretty easy and wait for a reaction? We of course do and don't know what we are getting ourselves into. Are we doing our best to fundraise, work extra jobs, get our house as bebe ready as possible? Of course. Are we going to be surprised, challenged, caught off guard, amazed and a myriad of others things we don't know about? We expect and welcome this.
Being 100% ready for kids would mean buying cold medicine the day before they get sick; placing a pile of pillows down on the deck right before they fall and break their arm. All this to say, we truly trust in God's provision and believe that we will be as ready as we need to be. We probably weren't "ready" to be married, but the last almost 5 years have been amazing and I wouldn't change a thing (maybe the Seahawks/Packers game, but that's likely out of my power).
We are currently working on many phases of the process at all times, and it seems more and more real ever day. Reading others blogs, especially those traveling right now (like the Armstrong's wonderful blog), have become addicting - as we share the excitment of those traveling, and can't help put ourselves in the experiences that await us.
We look forward to being ready and being not ready. After years and years of waiting to bring home our bebes, we would certainly have it no other way.
Much Love,
Troy and Andi
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